


I'm Not What You Need

by yuki_chicken



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Break Up, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Heartache, Heartbreak, M/M, Songfic, Yuuri sings, author is hurt, i cry, mentions of mpreg, mentions of real life, viktor is an ass, yuuri cries
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-13
Updated: 2017-05-14
Packaged: 2018-10-31 16:10:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10902834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuki_chicken/pseuds/yuki_chicken
Summary: Yuuri has had enough and decides to end it for the final time





	1. I've Had Enough

**Author's Note:**

> please listen to the song. its mentioned in the story, but to understand the full emotions that Yuuri is going through then please listen to the song
> 
> link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOmnfmXlZCc

Yuuri stood in the middle of the ice with the microphone in hand. His nerves were off the charts and he didn't know what to do. He knew that he needed to calm his nerves. He would be singing a cover of Ailee's version of 'I Will Always Love You'. The expectations were high for him. This song is remotely famous for Whitney Houston's version. He needed to be able to project his feelings. He needed to let Viktor and the world know that this will be the last time that they see of him. He's going to pour his heart out into this one final performance.

He looked towards the skater stands and saw everyone there. The friends that he made from the years of competing. The coaches that had taken an interest in him for his style and overall kindness. He looked at the one person that needed to pay attention to this and saw the interest and feelings of love in those ocean blue eyes. He looked away as the tears began to gather. He heard the murmurs from the crowd and remembered that the camera was looking at him. He looked up and saw his face on the big screen. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and releasing it, feeling more calm than he's ever been. The beginning notes of the piano started. He raised the mic to his lips and let the singing do the talking for him.

**_(If I should stay_ **  
**_I would only be in your way_ **  
**_So I'll go but I know_ **  
**_I'll think of you every step of the way)_ **

Yuuri knew eventually that this day would come. He felt within every fiber of his being. He knew that his time with Viktor was coming to a close. He knew from the day Viktor told Yuuri that he was going to coach him. He knew from the 'Hot Springs on Ice'. He knew from the very first competition with Minami. He knew from the first kiss at the Cup of China. He knew when they landed in Russia for the Rostelecom Cup. He knew from the ring exchange, from the Short Program, ending it after the finals, the Free Program. He knew....and yet his heart continued to yearn for the silver haired skater. His anxiety filled mind told him to not pursue the man, but his emotions and his heart wanted the man so much.

_**(And I will always love you** _  
_**I will always love love you** _  
_**You, my darling you)** _

Yuuri was on cloud 9 when Viktor practically told everyone that they were engaged. Hell....he didn't even know that they were dating. He knew that he loved this man with every inch of his being. He loved being next to Viktor as an equal. He loved it when they would go on tiny dates. He loved it when they would cuddle and spend the day in each other's arms. He even loved it when they had sex. Another moment in their love life when they felt connected with one another. The bliss that Yuuri felt was something entirely different from when he was on the ice. He enjoyed, no, LOVED every moment of it and wished that it would never end. He wanted to be in this dream for the rest of his life.

_**(Bittersweet memories** _  
_**That is all I'm taking with me** _  
_**So goodbye** _  
_**Please don't cry** _  
_**We both know I'm not what you need of)** _

Viktor began to act strange nearly a year after they lived together for 2 years. He started talking about this one female skater. Yuuri had stared at Viktor and asked him if he liked her. Viktor was silent way longer than needed. He stood up and had pounced onto Yuuri and hugged him endlessly with crying. Repeating about how much Yuuri's words had wounded him. Yuuri had tears of relief swimming in his chocolate brown eyes. He poked at Viktor's whorl and reminded him about the Chihoko incident. Viktor pouted and Yuuri laughed. Yuuri should've known at that moment that Viktor had lied straight through his teeth.

Viktor began coming home smelling like the sweet scent of flowers. They both knew that Viktor had allergies so he couldn't have too much flowers in his vicinity. The smells changed everyday. Viktor would tell him over and over again that he was talking to the fans. However, a multitude of people don't have the same scent, not like that.

Yuuri had finally seen it. He was walking home from the rink when he saw Viktor sitting at a cafe. He had smiled and almost ran towards Viktor. He, instead, had hidden back against the wall. A small petite looking woman had appeared and had kissed Viktor on the cheek and sat down. She held his hands and Viktor had kissed her hands in the same way that he kissed Yuuri's own hands. Yuuri tightened his fist and shook his head.

_'They must only be friends...right??'_

Yuuri had wished that he didn't turn around. Viktor was kissing her on the lips. Yuuri felt his heart drop into his stomach. He couldn't and didn't want to believe in what he was seeing. So he ran....ran all the way to their apartment and into their bedroom and grabbed some essentials and went to Yurio's apartment.

_**(And I will always love you** _  
_**I will always love you...you** _  
_**My darling oh yes you oh yeah** _  
_**I will always always always always love you, you)** _

Yuuri, Yurio, Mila, and Georgi sat in a circle in Yurio's living room. They other 3 skaters were in shock when Yuuri recounted the whole scene at the cafe. They were shocked to even know that Viktor would even cheat on Yuuri. The man was practically head over heels in love with the Japanese. Hell, he even flew to Japan and took the year off just to be with him. They heard a sniffle come from the Japanese and hugged him as tightly as they could. They knew that he was severely heart broken right now. It could do a number of things on his mental state. The blonde Russian had wanted to storm the apartment and knock some sense into Viktor.

_He didnt._

The Katsudon was more important that that stupid hack. IT didn't deserve to live. It doesn't deserve to even be classified as a human in Yuri's eyes. To him Viktor Nikiforov was dead.

_**(I hope life treats you kind** _  
_**And I hope you have all you've dreamed of** _  
_**And I wish to you joy and happiness** _  
_**But above this...I wish to you love)** _

As the days went, Yuuri knew that their time together was coming to a close. The fans had seen it when the new season started, but Viktor had reassured them. Yuuri became more distant from Viktor. It had shown when he wouldn't reciprocate Viktor's intimacy. It showed when they sat on opposite ends of the bench in the Kiss and Cry. Phichit became aware of the situation and made sure to keep Viktor away from Yuuri for quality "friend time". It wasn't the truth or a lie.

By the time that half of the season had finished. Every skater in the circuit had known about Viktor and Yuuri's situation. Many had sided with Yuuri and believed that he deserved better than the 'ugly ass, two timing bitch' (Phichit). Even Chris, who was long time friends with Viktor, agreed that he was in the wrong. The Russian skaters told them that they were slowly shipping Yuuri's things back to Japan and that Yurio and his grandpa was going with him. Phichit eyes out the teen but nodded his head in agreement. Yuuri had finally spoken up and said that he was going to end it all at the Grand Prix this year. It was luckily held in Tokyo. Once he had relayed his plans they had boarded with this and were going to make Viktor see the error of his ways....THE HARD WAY!!!!

_**(And I will always love you** _  
_**I will always love you, I will always love you** _  
_**I will always love...you, I will always love you** _  
_**Ooh~ I will always love, I will always love you** _  
_**I will always love you)** _

Yuuri had taken gold at the Grnad Prix. He was backstage getting everything ready. The performance will be the last time he would see Viktor or anyone else again.

.

.

.

.

.

Yuuri ended the song with a strong note. He noticed the tears that fell from his eyes. The stadium was quiet before there was a thundering ovation going around. Yuuri had tried to smile and waved back as he bowed. He looked up at the skaters section and found everyone crying, including Viktor. He swallowed thickly and made his way off of the ice. He went towards the changing rooms and grabbed his bag. He didn't need to change. Viktor's bag was next to his as always. He touched it for the last time as he took the ring off and placed onto the bag with a letter. Yuuri gripped his hand as he eyed the ring. He felt a hand on his shoulder and turned to see Yurio.

The teen had a worried look on his face. The Japanese wiped his tears and grabbed the blondes hands and running away from his now past. Both skaters ran out the door and into the future where something bright waited for the both of them

_**(Darling I love you** _  
_**I'll always, I'll always love you)** _


	2. Should I Tell You?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A perspective of Yuuri's feelings

Should I Tell You?  
The time that we had together  
Tis like a midsummer's dream  
We laughed and we danced  
We loved and we explored.

Should I tell you?  
The things that you spoke of,  
were the things that hurt me the most.

Should I tell you?  
The hurt that I feel  
The light that once shown in your eyes  
No longer there. 

Should I tell you?  
The more you spoke  
The more I felt the pain  
That driving pain  
Like a knife to my heart

Should I tell you?  
That the pain is unbearable.  
The feelings creep into my very being  
Willing to wash me away.

Should I tell you?  
Or would you think differently of me?  
We were close, but now  
It feels like we're worlds apart.

Should I tell you?  
That your new love life  
Hurts me so  
That it has compelled me to this.

Should I tell you?  
That this is goodbye?  
No more will you see me suffer  
Now I can rid of the pain  
Now I can open up without being judged

Should I tell you...goodbye

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The author's feels through the ball of cuteness that is Yuuri Katsuki....maybe


	3. NOT A CHAPTER

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note

Hey everyone ^^

I just wanted to let you know that this is not a chapter, but a very important note. I love the comments that some of you have left on here. I really appreciate, but I would also like to apologize for any inconvenience that it might have caused to some of you. This story that I wrote out was based on a little real life thing that I was going through at the time that I wrote the first 2 chapters. I do apologize for pouring my heart like that and taking it out on the characters. However, the issue between me and Viktor (calling them Viktor for the sake of things) has been resolved and our relationship towards each other is going ok. But, I will try my best to portray the feelings that I brought to the chapters.

Also, on another note, chapter 3 is in progress and will be put up as soon as tonight. I will try to finish this story and my other stories before August. I am a college student so please do remember that I may be having a Yuuri breakdown moment cause....college. Also, the updates for other stories may come slow in August if I don't finish them in time. I, as the idiot that I am, have signed up for 6 classes. Yes, stupid right? Anyway, 4 of them are fully online and would need my constant 24-hour attention and 2 of them are a hybrid class. The hybrid is online and in-person. So, please do forgive me if they come slow.

I will get chapter 3 up by maybe....10pm HST (Hawaii Standard Time).

Thank You For Your Understanding and Sorry  
yuki_chicken

 

**P.S- please let me know if you want a happy ending**


	4. Tabidachi no Uta

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yuuri thinks of his now past with Viktor and becomes determined for his future

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I recommend that you listen to Tabidachi no Uta by class 3E from the anime Assassination Classroom. Also, I'm sorry for 2 things: the first is if it sounds a bit repetitive in the story and the second is for not posting at 10 like i said i would.
> 
> I also feel like this chapter came out a little worse than what I had imagined *sobs*

**_(The wind is blowing_ **   
**_As if pushing my shoulders_ **   
**_Aa you said that_ **   
**_Now, the path I must take_ **   
**_Is right beyond you)_ **

Yuuri looked up at the sky as he saw the full moon in all of its shining glory right about him. He stood outside as he waited for the young blonde. They were going to go back to Hasetsu together. The Russian's grandfather was already there. Yurio's grandfather was moved there after the pair found out that his health was failing. Otabek will also be joining them within a month. Yuuri saw a bright stream of light in the sky and saw that it was a comet. He watched as the star shot across the sky leaving a beautiful stream of white in its path, hoping to guide people with its light.

His eyebrows knit together in a deep concentration as his fist clenched at his side. Even though the comet was there as a guiding light, it also moved forward with an undoubting beauty leaving everything in its dust. Hence, the tail of the comet. The particles of dust that come from the comet itself leaving a dust of beauty in its path. Yuuri decided that he too will become a comet and follow his own path. He will become the guiding light that he needs to move on. He will leave his past in the path of dust in his wake.

_**(I almost lost hope in myself** _   
_**You were the one** _   
_**Who lighted a fire in me** _   
_**Your words** _   
_**Your way of life** _   
_**Forever, I wont forget them)** _

Yuuri thought back to where it all began. He knew that he shouldn't have stayed so long, but he wanted to be fooled for a little while longer. He wanted to believe that he still had a future with Viktor. He wanted to be fooled and blinded by the admiration and love that he shared for the other skater. He thought that even for a second longer, he could live in this fairytale of a lifetime. The fairytale that he had always dreamed of, but knew he could never be a part of. He remembered when he fell for Viktor that first time after the Cup of China.

Yuuri had admired Viktor his entire life. However, he knew that somewhere deep within his mind that he needed to break from that type of thinking. This was no longer about him and Viktor. This was about himself and he needed to focus on him. In the past, he clung to Viktor

_**(Sakura, sakura, sakura  
Fall and flutter down)** _

Is this what he gets for not listening to his brain?

_**(To completely end** _   
_**Times we spent here**_   
_**We'll fulfill our promises** _   
_**We want to properly keep our promises** _   
_**Time of parting** _   
_**We stand in front of a new path** _   
_**Please give us a little time** _   
_**To think properly about our future** _   
_**Song of Departure)** _

He continued to reminisce on the times that he shared with Viktor. Maybe, if he hadn't left the rink early that day he would've never learned about Viktor. He constantly went through the 'what if's'. Deep down, in the back of his mind he knew that he was only thinking like this to steer himself from the negativity. He wanted to keep going, he wanted to turn back and ignore all of this.

He knew he couldn't turn back.

He couldn't turn back the hands of time. He couldn't go back and pretend that Viktor didn't hurt him. He looked ahead at the road. He could see a divergence on the path that he walked. He clenched his fist and took the new path. He looked towards the starry sky again and frowned. He needed to think about what he was to do now. He needed to separate himself from the skating world for a while. He needed to fight to regain the strength that he lost here. He also needed the strength to become the new person that he hopes to become. Yuuri reached into his jacket pocket and looked at the piece of paper in his hand.

_**(The wind is blowing** _   
_**As if turning the album photo over** _   
_**Aa every thing was sparkling** _   
_**And looked so kind)** _

Yuuri stared down at the paper in his hands. He had also wanted to tell Viktor about their little one. Yuuri felt the tears gather in his eyes, he needed to stop thinking about Viktor and their former future together. A gust of wind blew and he watched as the paper flew away to some unknown part of the world. He reached his hand up and gripped at the air. He wished that he could flutter in the wind and let it carry him to an unknown part of this desolate land. 

**_(You were the one who understood us_ **   
**_Far better than anyone in this world_ **   
**_Your lessons_ **   
**_From now on and forever_ **   
**_Will be our guidepost)_ **

Yuuri looked forward. He had a sudden determination in his eyes. He will take the lessons that have occurred during these past few weeks and use them to carve a new future for himself. He looked at his surroundings. The snow that glistens in the moonlight, the bustling folks of Tokyo, the lights from the buildings that illuminate the surrounding area. He knew that with the right motivation, then he knew that the lessons that he has learned from these mistakes will take him further than he had ever hoped

_**(Sakura, sakura, sakura  
Fall and flutter down)** _

Although he was foolish enough to listen to his heart, he will now listen to his instincts. It was time for a change. It was time for him to step up and take control of his life, even if it meant that Viktor would no longer be in it. He would do his best to become the best there is.

_**(Times we spent here** _   
_**Are endlessly overflowed with hope** _   
_**We knew it, but without moving any steps** _   
_**We kept staring into the sky** _   
_**Time of parting** _   
_**Thank you, we loved you so much** _   
_**Your encouragement cheers** _   
_**Always push our back to move** _   
_**Song of Departure)** _

Yuuri turned to look at the stadium for one final time. He promised the other skaters that he would keep in contact with them. They had helped him with his plans so the least he could do was keep in contact with them. This was never a good-bye, it was more of a 'see you later' type of sentiment. When he had parted from the ice for the last time in a while, he knew that he had left an impact on the people in that stadium and around the world. He would take the echoing of the cheers from the song and the routine and use those as a means of motivation.

Although a lot of those people were strangers, the love that he felt from them would push him towards his goal. He would take them to heart and remember them in the hard times to come. He would push and return stronger than ever. It was because it was who he was. He is Yuuri Katsuki and he never gives up no matter what. Let it be known that his stubbornness wouldn't let him stop either. He was determined little thing and he wasn't going to let anything stand in the way of his goal.

Even with this departure, he would push to strive.

_**(Times we spent here** _   
_**Inside that fading away school building** _   
_**Precious friends** _   
_**Teachers of life** _   
_**All of them were right there** _   
_**Time of parting** _   
_**We'll graduate from this school** _   
_**Instead of gratitude,** _   
_**We'll be presenting this to you, our teacher** _   
_**Song of Departure)** _

This will be the last time that he would see Viktor as a lover. The next time they would probably see each other would be at a competition as rivals. Everyone in the skating circuit knew of the circumstances and swore on their lives to never say anything to Viktor. The old man didn't deserve to know where the Japanese and Russian Fairy and Hero were going to be. Yuuri knew that this was going to be hard, but he needed to succeed for himself and his baby. He turned as he felt a poke on his shoulder and smiled at the blonde. He heard a grunt and watched as the angry little kitten stalked away. He brought his hand up and rested it on his belly. He looked up towards the starry sky and smiled.

_**He had the brightest future ahead...** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I will end it here, but there can be two different sequels with how the story will go. The way how it'll go depends on what I can think of, but if you have any suggestions then let me know in the comments

**Author's Note:**

> i tend to write out my feelings in stories....they're rare though but im sorry for the sadness. i can write an alternate chapter but you guys need to let me know though


End file.
